Irrationality

This story began with a simple smile and a tapping on my keyboard. It's just something that I wrote on a whim. I rather liked it and thought I'd share. Today was supposed to be some sort of 'artsy' day but I realized that my idea was nowhere near product. I hate posting crap so I'm going to start that section with something I can be proud of. On a good note I signed my W-9 form today! A W-9 form is a working permit and I'm getting my first paycheck ever! It's really exciting. I'm getting paid for something that I love doing. Anyways! Enjoy this little story. It's not really a Monday Memoir but it's of a similar nature.

Pettiness

Hello once again! A musing is a little food for thought. It's not supposed to be controversial or "deep" but rather just a little thought I had. Some might be a little "deeper" and others might be trivial but that's how thoughts work. Today's musing was hard for me to come to terms with.

As I mentioned yesterday, here is the longer post detailing about my past. I wish this was a closed chapter in my life but sadly it's not. I was thinking about why I still have the urge to search up his name on my Facebook and stalk pictures. It's these brief relapses of my mind and determination to forget him that hurt the most. These little pauses are definite signs that I am still not done forgetting him. It hurts to have your whole wall and defense mechanism shattered within a simple touch. I felt that I really grew emotionally since freshman year but here I am, acting the same, behaving the same, and thinking the same. I did grow in some sense to shed a layer of that naivety and gullibility. Some people do accidentally play with your feelings. Miscommunication and expectations blur the line of reality. I was just as bad as Captain Ahab when Ahab deliberately interpreted Fedallah's prophecy. I let my emotions run rampant and that becomes a real issue because I feel things so intensely. It's the alternative to being completely realistic and cynical. I hate feeling cynical even more than I hate feeling sad. Feeling sad is understandable and recognizable to the machinery of my brain. But feeling jaded and pessimistic conflicts with everything and it's those moments where I feel topsy turvy and nothing makes sense. I do understand why I'd rather be an oozing mess of feelings rather than be someone that I can't understand. The scariest thing is the unknown.

Scarf Boy

Hello everyone! I went to the library today to check out books by Murakami. My dad was less than happy that I decided to choose him but I really, really wanted to read 1Q84. I'm really looking forward to that 1000 page book! At the library, the fire alarm went off and it was so disappointing. I was standing in line to check out my book and it was my turn next. Then the blaring sirens started going off and people were so confused. They slowly gathered up their stuff and we all filed outside. Luckily, the problem was resolved quickly and I was able to get my books! I also went to Best Buy to buy a computer sleeve for my computer. They only had really simple sleeves that cost $40 from InCase and I really didn't want to spend that much on a very basic case. So I ordered mine from Amazon. Where does everyone else get their cases? I'll do a mini investigation I guess.

I had a creative "burst" coming from my previous little episode of melodramatics. If anyone is experiencing a terrible sadness, I would suggest a movie binge. I was up till 3 on Saturday night watching random movies and episodes from TV shows that I love. It did help and I felt a lot better on Sunday morning. I just realized the extent of my own pettiness but I think that'll make for an interesting Tuesday Musing.

Experimenting in the Kitchen!

Hello everyoneee! I had a semi-mental breakdown yesterday and so . . . I was not in the mood to post. But many, many posts are in the works!! I'm planning a short series (I promise to finish it) and my very own "fashion" tip section! It's probably going to be less fashion and more cute stuff that is really useful. I haven't come up with a catchy name yet. Maybe some of you are disappointed that this blog won't satisfy your fashion needs but it's really because I don't have anyone to take pictures of my not very fashionable outfits. I have a couple fashionable outfits but only enough for maybe 2 posts. I did post about sweaters so check out http://pinkstoryofme.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-joy-of-sweaters.html. 

So today, my parents had some lunch appointment after church. I thought they'd be back in time for dinner so I didn't really stress about what to eat. I prowled at around 4 for ramen (does anyone else like to eat ramen raw?) and scoured ALL the cabinets but there was no ramen to be found. My dad calls around six saying he's probably going to be late. This is our conversation:

Dad: Did you eat yet?
Me: Oh, not yet.
Dad: What are you going to eat?
Me: Are you going to be home late? Is it almost over?
Dad: I think so. What are you going to eat?
Me: Oh, is there anything to eat? I tried looking for ramen....
Dad: We ate the last ramen yesterday. And I don't think there's any food. There's definitely some cereal so you can eat that.
Me: Er okay, I'll look.
Dad: Wait, I think there's potatoes and rice. And tofu and chicken.
Me: Oh okay. Sounds good. Bye.

So I looked in the fridge and there were all of those previously stated ingredients. I looked on Food Network and found a wonderful recipe for fried chicken! Here's the link. http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/kathleen-daelemans/city-fried-chicken-recipe/reviews/index.html

Here's what I did... and this is for single serving.
Materials:
1. chicken (adjust your serving based on how much you want to eat)
2. 1 egg (I used 2 but 1 is probably better)
3. Dried parsley (2 tablespoons)
4. One lemon
5. Salt and pepper
6. 3 spoonfuls of flour
7. Handful of cheese (I used mixed Mexican cheddar)
8. 2 bowls
9. One plate & optional napkin
10. Chopsticks, tongs, whisk, some utensil to pick up the chicken with
11. Frying pan, stove, knife, chopping board, a metal utensil to pound the chicken with

Procedure:
1. Cut the chicken into reasonable slices. I also cut any fat out but that's up to you. Pound the chicken lightly with metal utensil
2. Season chicken with salt and pepper.
3. Make the egg mixture by whisking together the egg (or in my case eggs), parsley, cheese, and lemon juice in a bowl. Use chopsticks (or alternative utensil) to dip chicken. Leave for one to two minutes.
4. Put flour into a bowl. Transfer the egg-dipped chicken into flour. Cover chicken with just enough flour. It makes a flakier crust if you have less flour.
5. Put frying pan onto stove. Pour in enough oil to coat the pan about 2 inches. (This is a rough estimate. I don't actually stick rulers into a pan full of vegetable oil) Turn heat to high and wait for oil to start boiling. When the oil is boiling, place the chicken onto the pan.
6. Flip the chicken after about thirty seconds.
7. After three to four minutes, take the chicken out and place on the plate. If you want to avoid a mess, you can place a napkin on top of the plate.
8. Eat chicken with preferred sauce. I ate mine with ketchup!

And it only took about 20 minutes! If I can do it, it means it's simple. So have a good dinner. I definitely had a fun time cooking and eating this. xx

Language Barriers

http://www.ilmkidunya.com/lists/top-ten-challenges-to-students-during-studying-5.aspx

Hello! Today I had the honor of meeting some students from Ecuador and Nicaragua. I've taken Spanish for a very long time but there have seldom been times where I actually spoke to a native Spanish speaker. We were placed in groups of four to five people and one native Ecuadorian or Nicaraguan would talk to us. It was really exciting to talk to them even with that language barrier. It was frustrating because I wanted to ask so many things but didn't know how to phrase them in Spanish. There were awkward gaps when my group ran out of questions.
Maybe after the age of four or five, I've never faced the challenge of a serious language barrier. When I was three I absolutely hated the English language and everything to do with English. I was fortunate enough to have parents who cared about my ability to speak Korean and I've never really had that much trouble communicating what I mean over seas. Especially now, there is no language barrier. I felt encouraged to continue learning Spanish and trying to improve my Spanish.
Language barriers are awful! I hate them. I wish we had a universal language because everyone has a story worth sharing and it'd be so cool for the whole world to be able to understand. English is sort of becoming a universal language. Even though I do live in America, I think English is a good choice as of now because so many other countries are actively learning it. If we were to switch to Spanish for example, Asian countries would all have to start at level 0. If we were to switch to Chinese, people of all continents besides Asia would have to start at level 0. I don't know how the world will change but English is a good choice for the present. My friend wants to become a translator and I think that's a very cool job to pursue. She'd be linking the whole wide world together. Most jobs are useful but people refuse to see them in positive light. Everyone needs a little bit of positivity.
One of my friends also found my blog... haha. I don't know what to think about this. She may be reading.

Little Joys

Hello! I've realized that 'hello' is one of my favorite words ever. It's such a small but powerful phrase. This single word is inviting and initiates conversation. That small little word is all it takes to make a new friend or meet a new person. I love Wong Fu productions and I was on Youtube, I found a new video. It explains the power of the word 'hello' in a very entertaining and realistic manner. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lGd_a5P7XI

Musings about Prom

Hello everyone! I went and found my own dress on the good old Internet. It didn't seem like my giveaway was a success at all. I promise I will get better at that though. I decided that every Tuesday I'm going to have a "musing" of some sort about an issue close to home. Not all of these issues will be as trivial as prom. For those of you who don't know what prom is, watch any stereotypical high school movie or TV show. Prom is a "coming of age" dance in the United States usually in junior (3rd year) year of high school. Some schools have a junior and senior (4th year) prom together and some schools have a separate senior (4th) ball or dance. Prom is becoming less and less of the once in a lifetime event, probably since the number of people going to college has risen. It still is an important dance, nevertheless, and an excuse to do your nails and style your hair for three hours.

Since I already have my dress found on Lulus.com, I no longer have to worry about that. For me personally, I hate dress shopping. It's hassle some and takes so much time. I've never been the type of person to love hours and hours of shopping. I admit it can be fun trying on all sorts of wacky clothing with friends but it's not one of my go to hobbies. When I shop, everything is very systematic. I see a couple things that I like and maybe I try them on if the line in the dressing room isn't too long. I'm done in maybe twenty minutes.

Chick flicks. . .

From an early age we learn that the perfect love is attainable. Out of the 7 billion people on this planet, there's bound to be somebody who's a 100% match for you, right? Cinderella or the heroine of a chick flick is not the exception, but rather the norm. The phrase "there are many more fish in the sea" is also engrained into our heads to make up for lousy relationships. Well I hate it. I was watching Monte Carlo last night at around 11. I don't know why I watched it but that's another long winded story. Grace, a.k.a Selena Gomez, goes to France with her friend Emma and her stepsister Meg. They are left behind by their tour bus and with a stroke of luck, land in Monte Carlo. It just so happens that Grace looks exactly like the heiress Cordelia.

What angered me most about this movie was the character Meg. Meg is an uptight person who doesn't know how to let loose and have fun. She meets a stranger (STRANGER!) who happens to be really attractive in France. They meet again in Monte Carlo and she just agrees to spend the whole day with him. They have fun at a club and she learns how to have fun. (spoiler alert). At the end of the movie, Meg decides to travel the world with this guy she's known for maybe a week. Say what? Maybe it's just me, being a jealous single person. I actually cried at the end of this terrible movie because chick flicks set an unattainable level of expectation. I am never going to find that perfect love and yet I'm teased and mocked by the film industry. They make their money off people like me: hopeless romantics who dream about running away to France and finding a soulmate. The media and celebrities are criticized because they set a bad image for girls especially about body image. But what about chick flicks? They create an impossible standard of love that we all want and pine for.

I made the resolution never to watch another chick flick again but I know I can't keep that. I would just give anything to live inside one. Even if there's that part in the middle where everything goes wrong, you know that there will be a guaranteed happy ending for you. You'll end up with the right guy miraculously and that's that.

Mom & Me

Hello! Today was an exciting day in the city. I haven't been out in the city since . . . my friend came from Colorado a few months ago. Even though I live next to such a bustling and wonderful city, I rarely ever visit it. Today I had some time and it was fun spending time with my mom. Even though I, like almost all teenagers, feel misunderstood by my parents at every bend in the road, I still appreciate them so much. Who else still loves you after seeing your absolute worst moments all the time? These are the people who pick you up after meltdowns and comfort you about your terrible skin. Yes, they are the people who see you before you can put on any makeup and before you can muster energy to smile and be happy. Parents teach you the way and they are absolutely the most important in my life (maybe after my grandmother). Those without parents are some of the bravest people I've ever met.

Nothingness

I feel like I am so many different people. Instead of having feelings and moods, I have people. It sounds strange, even to me. But it describes me most accurately. Sometimes, I am that happy go lucky person I strive to be. This is the person who loves that it's Monday. Other times, I am determined and competitive. I have a super hyper person living deep within my conscience too. She's the type of person who screams for no apparent reason and loves to be loud and happy. But, there's always a balance between happy and sad. For three motivated and happy people, I have one person that handles the burden of all my stresses, fears, and panic attacks. It's scary when this side takes ahold of my mind and body. The first thing I feel is the need to crumple up into a ball. Things don't seem as real when you're crumpled up in some weird yoga pose. Things float by while that terrible feeling in your stomach grows.

I never was the type of person to have one meltdown and one burst of stress. It silently builds up, like weight. I don't stress until it becomes unbearable. I only notice how freaked I am when other people note that I am panicking about not having a paper clip before the English final. My pain always starts in my stomach. It knots up mimicking the fact that I'm probably crumpled up too. 

So why am I stressed? Well, the only thing I'm slightly good at is academics. And it's not because I'm smart. No, it's quite the opposite. It's because I try so hard to be at that level. I was forced into learning algebra in 4th grade. My 4th grade mind didn't understand what x and y were or even what algebra accomplished. All I knew was that somehow I needed to do this and so concepts were skipped and memorization began. I feel like if you take that away, I have nothing. I melt away into a universe where there are far too many people. There are 7 billion people on this universe. Only . . . 20 notable columnists for Time. No one gives prizes for that nice girl no one remembers. I feel like I'm slowly slipping away into that abyss, the people who are skipped. There are just so many people here who have accomplished so much and here I am. . . failing at the one thing I'm supposed to be good at. My biggest fear is not being adequate enough. 

I hate being alone, abandoned, and left behind. I don't want to melt away into nothingness. They say you have another chance after every failure but what if you keep failing at every turn? My english teacher does the lovely thing of grading you based on your own improvement, and not on a objective grading scale. But life isn't like that. Colleges don't pick based on "best improvement" or "nicest person." I want to crumple up.

Familiarity

Hello! Long time, no see! Tomorrow is my last day of finals and my head hurts so badly. My brain is on the verge of rejecting anymore information. Yesterday, I "refreshed" my memory with 150 vocab words (haha, do you mean learn again?). That was fun... but on the bright side I feel like I did pretty well on the vocabulary section of the English final. Right now, I'm trying to learn Euler's Method... ew.

Well enough about my current situation. After the English final, my teacher handed out the book Red Badge of Courage to our class for a weekend assignment. My book is really old and in fairly good condition considering its age. I love the smell of old books. There's something about that dusty, antique smell that intrigues me. I think it's because I visited so many old bookstores when I was a child with my dad. I closed my eyes for a second and I imagined a place that I haven't been in since I was in fourth grade. I didn't even know that memory was stored in my brain all this time. At the corner of the university, there was a second hand bookstore. It was a small building, the type that's bound to be overlooked on a large college campus; but there were always so many people there. There was always a nice lady who worked at the front desk and she smiled all the time. The wooden floor was creaky and books would be everywhere. There would be books on the shelves and books on those steel gray carts. I would always flip through the children's books and one time I even found one about a prince who had been asleep for more than a 1000 years. It's funny what kind of memories simple objects can provoke.

In the Midst. . .

Hello everyone! I felt like things are very slow at my blog. I know I said I wouldn't post but I thought it'd be nice to at least give you guys a little Coffee Shop for my absence. One more week and then I'll be back! I've been so stressed and busy lately. I've had a couple of weird dreams but other than that my life is really boring. Test prep, studying, and eating is my life. I miss my sleep too. I don't why we have finals. . . Well the right response would be to see how much you've learned throughout the semester but it just feels like more unnecessary stress. 

I just want to ask a question. I know you guys don't generally answer but let it at least be food for thought. What do you do when a really good friend of yours has a big secret? You've only heard speculation (gossip, really) from other friends but haven't heard that secret from your friend. You know that you're good friend will tell you eventually but what do you do until then? Do you just pretend that everything is normal? Or do you try to ask? I don't know what to do in my situation but I know I don't want to intrude or make anyone feel uncomfortable. It just sort of stings I guess that I don't know about this at all. I would tell her anything and yet? Well it's just some food for thought. 

Onto some coffee shop! 

First Blog Giveaway?

Hello! Thank you for joining me tonight. I did go out to a fancy restaurant as a treat from my parents. It was a fancy Italian restaurant and there's a line there all the time. On the 22nd, we tried to eat there but we were 8 minutes too late. I was a really happy camper sitting in that cramped space. I thought a picture would be really tacky so I refrained from taking out my smartphone and snapping away. Sorry.

5 Things I'll Never Subject My Child To

Hello everyone! I hope the new layout is treating everyone well. If you have any issues with it, please post a comment or write on the c-box. Today was the last day of my winter break and I only have one last weekend to savor freedom. It's almost finals and I'm having all sort of crazy stress dreams. You know you're stressed when your dreams are so disturbing you'd rather wake up. I guess I'm not in a particularly good mood because my parents invite people without telling me. I've managed to ward off any child sitting duties but they're screaming their heads off. Actually, that's not the worst part either. I busy doing English homework and they come in every five minutes to ask me what I'm doing in a petulant manner. I've really perfected the "scary" glare. Hahah, what a joke. At least I'm taken seriously enough by them.

Creativity Outside the Box

Hello everyone! As you can probably tell, I've made a lot of adjustments to my blog layout. It's going back and forth between new and old right now and I'm sorry if that's really confusing. I really like the new layout but would like any opinions about it. It's still a work of progress and I'm furiously trying to figure out how to code. Does anyone else have a penchant for coding? I took a digital art and design class in freshman year and we did really basic coding before moving on to Dreamweaver. My newfound love for coding is back. All it takes are a couple tutorials and I'm ready to code.  I really must be a geek. If you haven't seen (probably because of this switching back and forth), I added a message board. Do you think you'll use it?

I just want to talk about the new title briefly. Wonderland. Life is a giant wonderland. I don't understand anything about how life works. There is no neat manual and things can suddenly turn bad in a single swift moment. Alice in Wonderland was one of my favorite books as a child. We all tumble down our own rabbit holes at one point. The rabbit hole is a period where we grow up and try to find who we are and who we want to be. Life is so unpredictable especially to those who just want to blitz through it and get to the top. Where's the fun in that? So I choose to be lost because being lost gives us time. Time we have but never think we have.

Once, I was on a hike and I just wanted to go home. I was so miserable. I triumphantly walked faster than I've ever walked before and yes I was done in about twenty minutes. I missed everything around me and I lost a moment to ponder and observe the trees and nature around me. We miss the beauty when we charge ahead.

Being lost isn't so bad because it gives you the chance to find your way out. You may meet perilous creatures and people for that matter but where else would you meet them? Similarly, we never use the left side of our brains enough. Only today, I've realized the true potential of creativity, and not logic.

Happy 2013!

Hello everyone!!!!! Happy 2013 officially! I had a pretty great 2012 in the big picture. (I had a lot of fun with the photo frame app.) I learned that life goes on no matter what happens. The people who love you will love you no matter what. It was a tough year for me but also one filled with joy & happiness. I couldn't include everything in my year but I chose a couple highlights. There's also a picture of my never before seen haircut. I'm still startled to see that it's January 1st, 2013 everywhere. I hope that 2013 will be a happy year. I still haven't decided what resolutions to make this year. I'm not ready for 2013 but it seems like it came and found me.

I've learned so much this year. One of the most important things I've learned is that life goes on no matter how you feel.  So cheers to a new year!