Thursday, December 27, 2012

Forever Alone?

Hello! My life has been rather boring and I'm sorry for the lack of blog posts. I don't want to bore you with my incredibly boring life; but I will anyways. . . . And then I have a "sorry I didn't post on Christmas" sort of surprise. I was just not feeling the holiday spirit this Christmas. I really wanted to go to Colorado to ski and see friends but I couldn't, because I need to study. That really aggravates me but there's nothing I can do. It's not my fault that I'm not smart enough to get a 2400 on the SAT. My mom told me we could go skiing if I managed to score a 2400 on a couple practice tests. I wanted to pound my head against a wall. I'm so dying to ski. I want to play in snow, roll in snow, even fall backwards on my skis into the snow. Sighhs! So jealous of all you out there on the slopes. So here's what I wanted to do this winter break. You guys have probably seen this before, it's nothing new. 

Things I want to do:

1. Ice skating! 
2. Watching movies at the theater
3. Eat at a fancy restaurant 
4. Seeing the giant Christmas tree at Union Square, San Francisco 
5. Read chick flicks
6. Watch korean dramas (School 2013 anyone?) 
7. Visit an art museum! 
8. Drink hot chocolate (or any of those things stated above) with someone special. Can I make it any more obvious? 
9. Go on a fun trip! 
10. Get a hair cut. 
11. Write lots and lots of things that I don't ever have time for. 
12. SKI! I'm still a Coloradan at heart. (Is that proper?)
13. See a musical. 
14. Sleep. 

So I have done a couple of these things!!! I went to see a movie on Christmas, Les Mis and it was a really great movie. I loved the fact that it was exactly like the musical except with better background and action. You can't expect a musical on stage to include all that fancy scenery. I thought I wouldn't enjoy it that much because I'm not one who especially loves singing, in movies, but I loved it! I would highly recommend it to everyone! I'm slowly catching up on all the movies I wanted to watch but couldn't. Maybe the one really sad thing was watching the movie in the theater by myself. My mom and I were standing in the popcorn line for such a long time that there weren't that many seats left anywhere. We had to sit separately and I enjoyed my date with the wonderfully social bag of popcorn. I'm already showing the signs of a cat lady. . . 

I saw a giant Christmas tree made of shopping carts after watching the movie so I sort of did #4; but it's not anything like Union Square. 

I read One Fifth Avenue instead of reading Moby Dick. Candace Bushnell, who also wrote Sex in the City, writes witty and sarcastic pieces, I soon learned. I really wasn't expecting that from her. She doesn't write with any sugarcoating which is hard to find nowadays. I read about a chapter or two before pushing it aside for something else. I only returned to it because I didn't have any books that I wanted to read. It was a rewarding surprise. One Fifth Avenue was based around the lives of the people who live in this glamorous apartment. It's not the type of story where the girl is a damsel in distress and meets the perfect guy and they get married despite issues. It's a chick flick with a cynical sense of reality. She doesn't dumb it down which I really appreciated. She makes all sorts of literary allusions and difficult words that I find in my SAT vocab card set. 
There were a couple key elements that were a lot different from other chick flicks (which I still love and will loyally read). One of those being that the characters ALL had flaws. They were very real and did stupid things that we all do. There were also a lot of characters but Candace Bushnell has such a fantastic way of weaving them in and out. They pop at random times and you just have the nervousness that they're going to ruin everything. It's artful how she made them all connected without forcing them to be. In a lot of Korean dramas, you get the feeling that there are only 5 people in one city with one coffee shop and one mall and one etc, you get it. In One Fifth Avenue everyone knows each other but you understand how they got to meet and what their relation to other characters are. No one is sprung at you like some sort of pipe leak. I really admire her writing. 

Of course I've plunged back into the world of Korean dramas. There's no more to even say about it. I haven't done anything with art or even drinking hot chocolate. I did text TG Merry Christmas and we had a brief conversation that consisted of text messages sent five hours later. I guess he's losing interest in me. 

I did get a hair cut and I hate it. I'm just waiting for the moment where my hair is long enough to tie. Maybe I'll put a picture later. After I got it cut, it was okay because hair always looks okay when styled and dried and brushed a million times by the person cutting your hair. I came home and it was okay. I took a shower the next morning and it was not okay. I miss getting my hair cut in Korea. 

I am writing a lot more and it's wonderful. Some of you may hate me, but Coffee Shop just got a lot longer. There was a time when I could've inserted a nice ending but I really wanted to include one special character. In order to do that, you have to connect the character to at least two other characters. That means, messing up fictional lives in the end. So I did just that. Stay tuned. 

Solving Riddles 
Ryan saw Lillian standing outside his door. He hadn’t seen her since, forever. He eagerly opened the door and she looked happy. She was a lot taller than he remembered her but he quickly glanced at her choice of shoes. She seemed different ever since she started working in the movie career. Lillian was just as independent as she had always been but he couldn’t place his mind on what had changed. 
“Hi,” she nervously said. When was the last time she had been nervous? She wiped her forehead and was careful to sweep her bangs in a meticulous manner. Her black hair seemed darker in the winter time. She smiled up at him and he couldn’t help but to smile back. 
“I see you on TV sometimes,” he casually said. “My sister is a fan.” She laughed a reserved little giggle. He had never head her giggle before. When was the last time they had actually spent time together? He walked over to the kitchen and pulled out two Cokes from the fridge. His overachieving sister was doing something at a friend’s house. His parents were out briefly on some business meeting. He didn’t feel awkward alone with Lillian. He knew this talk would finally come one day. He placed the two cokes on the counter and leaned across from the other side. She eagerly grabbed her soda and sat down on the kitchen stool. 
“We need to talk,” she said. She tapped her Coke and popped the tab open. “I haven’t had a Coke in so long.” She drank her fizzy drink almost in one shot. He laughed and followed suit. 
“I figured,” he said with a little smirk. He saw his phone buzz on the counter. 
“Who is it? Aren’t you going to check?” Lillian had an adamant look on her face. He wondered what the problem was now. She rapped her knuckles on the counter but her gaze was still focused on his phone. 
“That would be rude,” he simply stated and pushed his phone further away from him. He took another sip of his soda. 
“Then I’ll check,” Lillian said. She grabbed his phone before he could even protest. “Who the hell is Colette?” Ryan had never heard Lillian curse before. He had never heard her so angry before either. He was a little shocked at her nonchalant use of the world hell. Lillian usually had such a calm demeanor and never jumped to conclusions. 
“She’s just a girl.” Ryan knew his voice sounded rather annoyed at everything. He knew his tone had betrayed him and Lillian gave him a look of disbelief. 
“It’s been a week since Claire told you that you guys should take a break. How have you already found a girlfriend?” Her tone was accusatory and angry. 
“You never understood my side, not then not now. You immediately think that I’m the bad guy and that I try to purposely mess things up and break hearts.” Lillian tried to interrupt but he shook his head. “Lillian, let me continue, just this once. I let you interrupt me then and look where we are now. There are some things that you just have to hear. Do you know how confused I was when Claire called me to tell me that we should take a break? She didn’t even have the dignity to come tell me in person. She didn’t cite a reason or an explanation. Claire said she didn’t have time for me anymore. What does that mean? When Colette wanted to see a movie with me, I said yes. I would hardly say she’s my girlfriend though.” Lillian nodded her head and looked down at her fingernails. 
“It’s Sasha,” she softly whispered. “Sasha forced Claire to break up with you. She can’t tell anyone though but I overheard them talking.” He didn’t even ask how Lillian got her information anymore. “And Lyle Scott is her father.” There was a look of realization on his face. 
“I didn’t know he was Sasha’s father. You know I don’t care about any of that right now. I just want to know if we can still be friends, Lil.” He paused before saying Lil. He knew he was taking a big risk. She froze at the sound of that nickname. Her mind was whirring and he could see her processing her thoughts. 
“Yes, yes we can be friends, Ryan. But right now, Claire needs you more than me. You’re really the only person that can do anything right now.” 
“I know,” he said with a half smile. “I know.” Lillian left about an hour later and he felt relieved that he had a friend back and that they cleared their misunderstanding. His head pounded just thinking about Sasha. Why was she such a pain? Had she always been such a pain? 
Sasha looked up from the bench to see Ryan sitting next to her. The wintry air was nipping at her nose and her cheeks were red from the snow. She had been waiting for this moment. She wondered how he found her. From the look in his eyes, she already knew what he was going to say. Sasha bit her lip and pretended she didn’t see him.
“I know you saw me. Sasha, stop. The game is over. You’ve won, okay?” Sasha shyly met his gaze. He seemed slightly furious at her. This was a first. 
“I don’t have you back,” she said. “Do you have any smokes on you?” Ryan wondered if this was how he was perceived way back then. 
“Sasha, you’re ruining people’s lives. You’ve succeeded and you’ve made a point but you don’t get me back. I love Claire now, Sash. I need you to respect that and move on. I know it’s hard hearing me say this to you. I was that desperate boy who wanted to follow you to France. I hurt Vanessa so much because I wanted you.”
“Why did you want me?” He was finally taking responsibility for what he had done to Vanessa. 
“I don’t know,” he said after a silence. She could tell that he was telling the truth. She sighed and shrunk away from his touch. “Why do you want me?” She hadn’t expected this question. Sasha sighed. She knew the answer perfectly well in her mind. He was someone else’s toy and it wasn’t okay with her.
“Ryan, I have a confession to make. I don’t know why exactly I’m telling you any of this. I’m Sasha Scott, first of all.” Ryan stared at her blankly, in disbelief even though Lillian had told her earlier. 
“Even you couldn’t have pulled off that lie.” Sasha shrugged her shoulders. 
“I was never a Chanel, but rather a really rich Scott.” Ryan furrowed his eyebrows at the mention of Scott. 
“Are you the daughter of Lyle Scott?”  
“That’d be me,” she answered with a little smile. He had figured out the whole intricate web of lies. 
“You need to let me go.”
“I know,” she simply said. “Goodbye, maybe forever. Who knows?” She stood up and shook his hand. Sasha kissed his cheek before disappearing with the wind. He stared in her general direction until she became a small dot halfway across campus. There was still a ridiculously huge tangle of lies and people he needed to sort. It was just like Sasha to leave all the messy work to him. 
Claire stared up at the falling snow. She was alone because Vanessa was visiting some aunt down in Albany. The windows were shut tight but there was still a draft coming in from somewhere. Claire was sitting in her red chair. She had found it at the thrift store and knew that it’d look perfect in her living room. She heard a knock at the door. Claire got up and opened the door. Did she order food? Was it Noah? Noah was departing tomorrow morning to Sacramento. He wanted to know what was going on Dani. Claire had come clean and told him about everything. He contemplated only for a moment before booking his plane ticket. It was Ryan. There was snow all over his jacket and he was holding a grocery bag with some flowers. 
“Close your eyes.” 
“Ryan,” she protested. She pouted at him and he gave her a stern look. Claire sighed and closed her eyes. Was she still that submissive girl? Claire heard a ruckus of all sorts of noise. 
“Open!” Claire blinked her eyes open and laughed. It was the first time laughing so genuinely in a long time. Ryan had draped her round maple table with a cheap picnic blanket. A little vase trying to hold the rather large flowers was placed as the centerpiece. He had brought Mexican food and sparkling cider. She was truly grateful for someone like him. 
“I’m sorry,” she blurted out. He held her hand and kissed her cheek. 
“Don’t be,” he said. He turned her old radio on as it played Christmas music. They clinked their glasses full of cider and she tried to smile.
“I ruined everything Ryan.” 
“It’s really all over now, Claire.” They finished their meal and stood up. Claire hadn’t been dancing since . . . forever. She turned up the music and they started to dance. 
“What about Vanessa and Stephen?” 
“They’ll figure it out, Claire.” 
“How can you be so sure?”
“If two people were really meant to be together then fate does all sorts of crazy things in order to push them together.”
“I don’t believe in fate,” Claire said outlandishly. He chuckled before ruffling her hair. “And I still hate that.” She blew a raspberry at him. He shrugged and kissed her cheek. 
“Well fate put us together didn’t it? What if I hadn’t gone to that party? What if I wasn’t dared to get your underwear?”
“Fate also tried to wrench us apart. Sasha and Kiana,” Claire said wrapping her arms around him. 
“Fine, not everything is determined by fate. Some of it is effort, but if two people are meant to be together then they’ll end up together. It’s simple, Claire.”
“How do you know when you’re meant for someone else?”
“You just do.” She wanted to wish all her problems away and stay like that. She knew she couldn’t. 
Dani wondered why she was even at this stupid dance. It was pouring rain as she stood in the school gym. Matt had asked Peggy to the dance while she was sitting down on the bleachers being an antisocial person. She hadn’t wanted to come but Peggy had forced her too. The music was too loud and it pounded in her head. Dani ran her fingers through her choppy locks. She sighed and wished she hadn't cut it. She always did such reckless things when she was angry. Dani saw Allison approaching with Nathan. Hadn’t they broken up? They both had smug smiles on their faces. She just wanted to disappear. 
“Aw, are you all alone?” He asked, almost mocking her. 
“Of course not, Nathan. Can’t you see that I’m with the air?” She snapped at him. The slightly happy Dani had disappeared. 
“Leave her alone,” someone said. Everyone turned to look at him. She raised her chin up just a little to see a sopping wet guy. Noah? She couldn’t help but let out an amused laugh. It was just like him not to check the weather or impulsively come here. Dani wondered what to do. All eyes were turned towards her now. She stood up and gracefully walked towards him. She really wished she hadn’t cut her hair. 
“Dani?” He asked tousling her hair. She pulled away. It was shameful for him to touch her choppy locks. 
“Noah,” she affirmed. 
“You’re still as pretty as ever,” he said and she practically melted into his arms. The music was still playing and the lights were still off but everyone was watching them. Allison was just gaping at her.
“You’re the New York boyfriend?”
“I suppose,” he said shooting a questioning look to Dani. She shrugged and raised her eyebrows. “I just know that I’m in love with Dani.” Some girls made that annoying aw sound in the audience. 
“I love you too. I was worried you found some other New York girlfriend,” she said quietly. 
“I thought you found some guy here. The right thing would’ve been fly over here as soon possible. Sorry I waited so long.” She shook her head.
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Even if people were watching them, he was the only person that mattered to her. 
“Come back to New York, Dani. It misses you.”
“I wish,” she wistfully said. They walked out of the gym and into the rain. He covered her head with his jacket and she laughed. She wondered how it was possible that her fairytale could continue. She never wanted to say goodbye to this. In a way she never had said goodbye. They talked for a long time, out there in the rain. No one bothered her, or him. He kissed her cheek and drove her home. She wondered what to say. A goodbye was inevitable. He walked her to the front door and now they were both sopping wet. Dani laughed at how her hair stuck to the back of her neck and how the once slightly elegant dress looked like a cheap knockoff. Her shoes, Cassandra’s shoes, were ruined. Dani didn’t care because in the moment she felt beautiful. She spun around one last time trying to capture this moment in her memory. Noah’s curly hair was sticking to his own forehead and his suit, obviously Armani, was beyond repair. He didn’t seem to care much either. She wanted to stay there forever but she rang the doorbell and waited. Dani was waiting once again for her fairytale to be taken away from her. Cassandra gasped when she saw Dani and immediately glanced to the ruined shoes. 
“Sorry,” Dani said but there wasn’t a hint of actual sorrow in her voice. Cassandra pushed her inside and looked seemingly nervous. What was that about? Noah entered her house too uninvited. Cassandra was wearing her hair in a sleek ponytail and she was wearing yoga pants. 
“Sorry I’m late,” Dani said but knew she wasn’t late at all. There were just no words that could be exchanged between them. Dani slipped off the shoes and wondered what to do. Noah’s presence hadn’t been questioned yet. 
“Danielle, I have something to tell you,” her father said. She heard his footsteps before his voice and her spine curled back. Noah placed a reassuring hand over her back and she smiled at him. Her father harrowed his eyes at him. “Oh. It’s you.” 
“Dad, what were you going to say?” 
“Dani, sweetie, we’re planning on moving.” 
“What?” Noah asked before she could even gasp. Why wasn’t she aware of this? She had been living in this house for a year now. 
“What about Mom?” Dani asked indignantly. 
“Your mother is moving a hospital. We’re graciously paying for it, Danielle,” Cassandra said raising her voice. Dani wanted to raise her palm but instead she sat on the couch and tried to register everything that was floating in her brain. 
“Where are we moving?” She used the term we tentatively. 
“Nebraska!” Her father was excited.  
“Lucas, did you know about this?” She knew that Lucas would be far more upset about leaving his gifted program. He was a senior though and that meant graduation. When were they moving?
“Of course, by next year I’ll be off to college.” She knew that Chase was planning to get married soon as well. He’d be staying in San Francisco and she’d be the only one moving to Nebraska. The fear of moving almost paralyzed her. 
“Why don’t you send Dani to New York?” Noah asked with a charming smile. Well it was about time he met her side of the family. 
“To become someone who cooks other peoples’ food and cleans their laundry?” Noah seemed shocked at this description that Cassandra rattled off. “I’m a feminist, do you hear?” He had no idea what that was supposed to mean.
“All expense paid stay in New York, on me. Tuition, housing, etc.,” Noah said cutting right to the chase. Dani stared at her father and Cassandra with hopeful eyes. 
“No,” Cassandra defiantly said. Dani looked at Noah. No meant no, even for her. She was so close to achieving everything she wanted. 
“I hate you,” Dani said and Cassandra almost flinched. Cassandra knew it was true too. “Noah, I’ll see you in college. I’ll go somewhere in New York and that’ll be that. Just wait another year.” There was nothing either Cassandra or Marcus could do about the situation that had just occurred. 
“I hate you both,” Dani said before hugging Noah. “You have to leave, right?” He nodded but had never felt so defeated before. He didn’t even know what to do. There wasn’t ever a problem in his life so big that couldn’t be solved with charm or money. Cassandra was trying to make a statement. After Noah left for the airport, Dani was sobbing. She ran next door and banged on the door. She knew that her fragile mother would probably shake with fear. Instead, she was met with a calm and collected Georgia. Georgia hugged her daughter who looked like a giant next to the hunched lady. Georgia had aged immensely after all her medication and suffering. To Dani, Georgia had never once seemed old before. 
“Mom,” Dani cried out. 
“Danielle, it’s better this way.” Had her mother known all along?
“Mom, we’re being torn apart and I’m forced to live with them in Nebraska!” 
“Honey, there’s still airplanes and trains and cars,” her mother said with a gentle laugh. Why didn’t anyone understand the seriousness of her issue?
“Where will you go?”
“I’m going back to San Francisco. Your father is generously paying for my medical bills, Dani. Noah loves you, dearest. But you two are terribly young. Oh, look, the doctor is coming in two minutes. You better leave, honey. I love you.” Dani nodded but she wanted to stay. This was her home. She wanted her mother. 

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