Monday, August 27, 2012

Hello, from me to you

My life has been pretty hectic. I'm sure we can all say that. I started to write this blog because I wanted to. How many things do we do in life because we want to do them? It's a great stress reliever and everyone can benefit from having one, or having a million, of them. I found my stress reliever hidden deep in the world of internet blogging. 
Here's a couple things that you should know about me. I have extraordinary drama that I seem to create for myself. I'm a very dramatic person, whether that means overreacting from getting butter on the smooth metallic surface of the kitchen sink or becoming ridiculous happy because some guy said hi to me. Well I guess he's not just some guy... but I'll talk about that later. I love the color pink! I'm a happygolucky person. I am pretty much always upbeat too, hyper in my own hyperness. I can't drink caffeine because it makes my stomach feel queasy and I can't handle the power of RedBull either. So basically, I'm an ordinary girl with ordinary problems. You know a couple days ago, I was looking for a blog written by a girl like myself, ordinary and down to earth, but I just couldn't find any. Maybe I don't know the secret passcode that unlocks the other side of the internet where all those blogs are. I know that I was asking for a lot-- the key to someone's life is valuable and should be valued. But I wanted to get my feelings out and rant (there's absolutely no where to rant nowadays). For all the people who were looking for a blog written by a teenage girl with quixotic problems on lonely Saturday nights, here you go :) Hopefully you'll find it and feel slightly better about your own problems and figure out that there are lots of people who don't go to parties every weekend and who can only dream about going on the perfect date with the perfect guy.

Summer went by in a whirlwind that was for sure. I wanted a summer romance, I mean who doesn't? Being an avid reader of chick flicks doesn't help the fact that I am a single girl with such high standards.  I go to Korea every summer (Yes, South Korea :P) to visit family and such. In November of 2011, a friend's cousin visited. I wasn't all that close to him but he had promised to buy me lunch. After a series of events (more like drastic Facebook stalking and disappointment), I decided to message the guy and remind him of his promise. He was totally cool about it and told me to pick a date and what kind of food I wanted to eat. It was all so surreal and I was finally going on a REAL sort of date. So I landed in Korea and decided to message him. I wasn't all that free but I did want to see him. He never messaged me back after I told him a date. It wasn't like he didn't have computer access either. Yes, I get desperate and sad; so I did what any desperate, lonely, sad person does: check his wall on Facebook. The day went by and absolutely nothing happened, not even an apology.

But anyways, I went to Korea for a summer camp. I was volunteering to teach English with my church. I didn't want to go at first but it was such a blessing and a humbling experience. I never thought about using my "gift" of English to benefit others. It never seemed like a gift, just something I took for granted. I had the fifth to sixth graders and while they were a handful, I wouldn't have traded my group for anyone else's. They needed the most reaching out to, and while I wasn't able to provide all of it, I think I did help some of them realize a love for English and for God. And I finally realized there are more important things to do than go on dates with a friend's cousin. I'll be saving that amazing first REAL date for some legitimate guy.

Maybe this is weird, but I've never been able to get over my first crush. I had a somewhat boyfriend in middle school but he was just that, a somewhat boyfriend. I didn't really have all that many feelings attached to him. The weak bond was breakable by distance (I moved away to another state) and he's dating my friend now which is perfectly fine with me. My first crush, I don't know what to refer to him here, was supposed to be just that and I have no idea what to do with my bundle of leftover feelings (he moved). I had a whole tumblr rant about him and you know he's honestly not worth my time. I don't want to open any wounds again by repeating the story. It was like fate wanted us to be together but then decided that we were better off not together. Who knows.

I think I've moved on. I think I maybe have. Maybe. I met another guy who never appealed to me before but now. . . I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not doodling his name everywhere but yet just his presence makes me nervous and jittery inside. My voice wavers and maybe that does signify something.

Well that was rather long. I'm not sure when else I'll get the time to spill my feelings out like that. I hope I can write every once in while though-- not to leave any of you readers (do I dare to say that?) hanging. I hope you care enough about my ordinary life to check the page for updates. This is the key that opens my life up to you. So I just want to tell you to value it.


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