Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Hello February, hello Busy-ness, hello musings!

A relaxing second semester was seriously a lie. Life has never been more hectic and crazier, which is weird considering that all my standardized testing and college app writing is over. I signed up for too many activities that I really love. I hate sleeping late but I have no choice if I want to continue doing all the things I love to do. I stayed at school until 9 today (well I guess yesterday, technically, since right now is 12), working on the student newspaper, and I will also stay at school till 9 today (Tuesday) and Thursday for Mock Trial. I get a break from tournaments this weekend but the stress of ball gown shopping is really kicking in. I'm not sure how everyone has already managed to find their dress. Of course I still have three months and I recognize that but I can't help but freak out a little inside. There are so many beautiful dresses but there's always something a little bit off--the fabric, the color, the shape, etc, so the search continues. 
I've been in debate mode for too long so I'm going to "roadmap my blog entry" for all you debaters or people who really like organization. I realize that I haven't blogged for a whole week but you'll have to hear me out on that one. Although I haven't been blogging longer things, I have been putting little updates on Little Moments and Fitness Diary. These things are updated continuously (Fitness Diary is really updated every other day) and way easier for me to manage than actual posts. I'm not sure how else to do that.... I would so appreciate blog layout tips!!! Like I've always said, I want to maintain the quality of my posts and it feels kind of weird posting only a couple sentences and a photo. All those things belong in Little Moments. I've wanted to change my blog layout for a while so stay tuned for that! I had no possible way of writing a coherent post on Monday because I had so much other work. Expect a City Girl chapter soon (I don't have access to my computer all day)...I promise! So back to roadmap: I'm going to reflect about the post relationship phase. It's been a little more than a week since we broke up. I'll stop talking about it all soon enough. Right now I just need a platform to organize my ideas and rant and that's basically what this blog is for me. Perhaps these thoughts will help you if you're struggling with the same issues. S asked me to be friend. HE asked ME and now he won't even talk to me.... I'm just really confused to how someone who told you that he would never stop caring about you or that he'll always be there for you can just suddenly change in a single moment. It's back to the type of freshman relationship where physics homework is an excuse to talk to him. I have to justify my own actions of wanting to talk to him with myself. 

I've never seen this side of S. We just immediately clicked and talked all the time even as friends. He really cared about my debate tourneys or little crises. I just thought he was different, that perhaps he was just the type of person to text back quickly or was actually interested in me as a person and not necessarily because I was a girl he liked. And perhaps that's why I thought we would still be friends if we broke up. 

We got into a lot of fights when we were dating because I thought he didn't care enough about me. He said he was trying his best and I understand that but there were a lot of moments where he could have been a little less critical and more empathetic. Compared then to now, I realize that he's not really the nice, caring person I thought he was. 

It bothers me that I can't do anything when he shuts me out. I just wish he considered me more and stayed consistent. It doesn't really matter what it is he says because his actions are totally opposite. I'm not sure what I wanted to accomplish with this post. I guess I wanted you guys to see the aftermath of a relationship and why staying friends is near impossible. 


  1. Hey darlaaaa! I havent been here in forever. Okay I think you need to relax. are you done with your SAT? I got done last month and I have my result pretty soon. I hope its all okay. Bdw you dont need to update your blog like its your daily routine. I know its important to share your feelings and keep a track but you can just get yourself a diary and it will come handy and you can vent everything out like that and later tell us all about that in a life update? How about that? Dont stress yourself for blogging. Just dont! Its better you study hard, party hard and enjoy the moments instead of thinking to update. And I am so sorry to hear about that. I mean what happened? You are doing it all okay, you have the right approach. Instead of crying and whining like most teens would do, you are trying to make peace with it and its actually a good thing. Happens in life. Thats how you learn. People change and its nothing new. Are you on twitter? We caaaan talk! and best of luck for your everything! :D

    1. Hi Ridx! I'm glad you're back :)
      I have been done with standardized testing for a while :) It's a good feeling being done!
      I just feel bad neglecting my blog but you're right. It's better that I go out and have fun and study without worrying so much.
      I am not on twitter unfortunately but it's a slow healing process. I'm not exactly sure what to say but if you check out my previous post for January, I explain a little more there about what happened.
      Thanks so much, as always, Ridx!