Much Ado About Nothing

Hello! This day has been oddly relaxing and the best part is that I have time to blog! I wonder if you've missed my sassy book reports. I've only down maybe one or two but guess what? That's right, it's back! Today we'll be talking about Winter Dreams, a short story by Fitzgerald. He's one of my favorite authors but this short story made me terribly sad.

So first we start with a fourteen year old Dexter. He is of middle class and caddies for the rich people. On the golf course he meets the beautiful Judy Jones. Dexter decides from that moment on that he'll be the type of person that Judy likes. He goes off to college on a loan from rich friends and starts a laundry business. It's very successful and he becomes super, super rich. He is in his twenties. He meets Judy again and she invites him out to dinner. They start to go out but Judy isn't committed to him at all. She dates a bunch of other guys and Dexter tries his best to ignore this fact. He asks her to marry him but she gives him a vague answers with that word I hate, maybe. He can't ignore anything any longer when Judy decides to get engaged to another guy who is richer than Dexter. We come back to Dexter a few years later. He's about to get married to a girl named Irene. Irene is less pretty compared to Judy but she's a nice girl. People have stopped associating him with Judy as Irene has entered the picture. Suddenly, Judy comes back. She broke it off with that other guy and tells Dexter that she wants to marry him. Dexter never really resolved his feelings for Judy and agrees to spend the night with her. Judy doesn't seem to acknowledge the fact that Dexter is going to get married soon. He doesn't have the nerve to tell her about Irene either. They have an affair and things deteriorate with Irene. A few years jump by and Dexter is in his thirties. He lives in New York now and has shed any sign of the midwest. A colleague visits him with news of Judy, Judy Simms. She's married to a terrible guy who drinks and abuses her. Judy stays at home with her children and her beauty has faded. Dexter finally, truly realizes that she is unattainable and that she would never have loved him.

If I were to be one of the characters, I think I'm most similar to Irene. A long time ago, a church friend was dating this guy at our church. We're the three high schoolers. The friend's sister is 8 and she started pestering the guy as little kids do. She asked him a bunch of questions, one being "do you like Youngjoo?" This guy just thought that was the most ridiculous thing ever. It's not like I did like him or any interest what so ever in him but why couldn't he like me? He shortly started dating my friend. She's really pretty and so I guess I've had a lot of experience being Irene. Hopefully I won't meet my Dexter and live happily ever after as a cat lady. I'd rather be an Irene than a Dexter though. I don't want to shape my whole identity around a single person, a single person who would never love you.

Moral of the story: I hate people like Judy. Don't mess with people's emotions. When Judy's beauty was stripped away, she was left with nothing. I hope I don't ever fall in love with someone just because they're really, really attractive. On that note, my friend was saying that we never forget our first loves. I think I am finally accepting that nothing will ever happen again with the guy I liked freshman year. Acknowledgement is the first step in moving on. I'm terrible at moving on but I do believe that I have moved at least 2 steps in the right direction. Someday, I'll be able to talk about him and see him without feeling anything.

I remember once telling myself that if he (freshman him) asked me on a date, I'd ditch everything in a heartbeat and go with him. Is he my Judy? Probably. But I don't think he'd ever come back into my life just to ruin everything. Well if Dexter somehow became immune to Judy's name, then one day there's hope for me! I actually really do enjoy the things we read in English. My goal for the semester is to actually read... no judging allowed.