Hi everybody! I don't how many of you are having romantic problems. But I know I do and a lot of teens do so I'm starting a Wednesday segment all about love and the problems of it. I always looked for blogs to help me with this and all over Yahoo answers and questions but never quite found what I'm looking for. Hopefully this will help yours and make you feel comforted that you definitely aren't alone in the face of rejection, anxiety, happiness, and maybe even a relationship.
So currently I am not in a relationship. I feel like I should state that because well it's different when you get advice from friends that are dating and single friends. It shouldn't really be different, but it inevitably is. For all those interested in my love life, I'm not sure if I'm going to share any more except that I might have a lunch date soon.
The most searched question for anxious people would probably be: how do I get him to like me?
There are some flawed words in that statement that I've typed up in the google search far, far too many times. I didn't realize it then, but the word 'get' bothers me now. Get is used in a one person context. "Get me that water bottle", "I got the answer", "She gets an A all the time". You can't make a person fall in love with you. And even if there's short term success, it ends up in failure because you set up a relationship that only focused on the outside matter. Prettiness and good looking-ness only go so far. I really believe in the soulmate idea. That right person is there for everybody and you shouldn't have to try to fake your personality or appearance for that person to like you. As cliched as it is, you shouldn't change who you are for some guy or girl that you like. I have tried and realized that I'm not happy being someone else and always having to put up an act. Don't you want to be comfortable around that person? I'm not saying that you have to start off as friends before you start dating. Some people are like that and others, like me, aren't. But one important thing is being able to have a conversation and to learn things about that person. I found a tumblr quote saying "if a person is nice to you but not the waiter, then that person isn't a nice person". If he/she doesn't like you, then move on and find someone else. I would like to emphasize the fact that everyone is wonderful in their own way and it just takes time for someone to find this wonderful trait about you.
This is going to be extremely geeky, so skip over this if you aren't into science. It's like the cell where there's a ton of stuff floating inside the cytoplasm. But cell matter, like proteins, all have a place to go. A carbohydrate is attached to them as a labeling sugar. The Golgi Apparatus knows where to send you based on this labeling sugar. You (or I guess the protein) ends up where it needs to go and in the right place. We all have our own labeling sugars and it just takes time for the right thing to attach to us.
That's why I love the idea of the string connecting us to the people that are supposed to stay in our lives. We may tangle the string all we want but it won't break. Maybe you've analyzed my blog entries and found that I'm still a little sad about the Connecticut guy moving away. But you know, after he moved away I saw that maybe I wasn't a perfect match for him at all. I was trying to force myself into a shoe that obviously didn't fit. I was really unhappy and self conscience that year. Another good indicator about the right person is if you don't feel too anxious around them to the point where you want to change yourself and be the person they find attractive. If you're always freaking out about seeing them, then why bother so much? In the end, it's really about what makes you happy. Does it really make you happy that you have to spend 5 hours a morning to get that perfect hair do for that person? Will you have a good time on a date if you're too worried that your bangs are shuffling into the wrong spot?
(If you watch Reply (or Answer Me) 1997, you'll know what I'm talking about!! I love that drama so much. It actually sort of accurately portrays teen love triangles and flaws. Watch it if you have time. I highly encourage it!)
I realized that I wouldn't be. What was the purpose of all my suffering in the end? Find someone who you like hanging out with and that you feel a sense of comfort around them. Yes, you feel your heart beating and you feel like it's going to fall out of your ribcage, but you don't feel so nervous that you turn the other direction.
When I was a middle schooler, I told my friends I liked this one guy. They were such good friends. They were such good friends that they pretty much set up a relationship that I wasn't ready for, and neither was he. We both were unhappy about the situation. Having him like me and all that really wasn't as good as I thought'd it be. Probably because I wasn't ready and I was so awkward around him. We communicated through friends and it made me wonder why.
So that's my rant for the day. If you missed all of that stuff, my main point is find someone you like being with, not based on looks and not based on popularity. I thought TG was super unattractive when I first met him. But you know, as I got to know him and talk to him... I dunno. This is so embarrassing. Looks are subjective. Be with someone that makes you happy, because at the end of the day happiness is happiness and sadness (even sadness with super hot boyfriend) is sadness.
xx
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