Can You Keep a Secret?

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Can You Keep a Secret?

Vanessa hated the feeling of being single. She felt so exposed and vulnerable while walking to classes. She could hear the little whispers circulating that she had been dumped. The only person who hadn’t said anything negative about her was Claire. Vanessa sighed and checked her makeup once more. It was crucially important that she looked better than ever. The charity was coming up but she didn’t even want to think about that. There was no one at this whole school that would make Ryan a teensy bit jealous. 

“Nessa, cheer up,” Jessie simply said while walking to their lunch table on the Quad. She was holding a chicken salad and Mara was eating some sort of tomato soup. Vanessa looked at her own club sandwich but she didn’t feel hungry anymore. 

“So I picked out some candidates for the charity event, for you.” Mara looked proud of the complex diagram she had drawn up. Vanessa gave it a cursory glance before realizing that Mara pitied her.

“Thanks, but I already thought up of someone.  I have to stay one step ahead, you know,” Vanessa said. She unwrapped the layer of plastic wrap and took a bite of her sandwich. Vanessa forced it to go down her throat and immediately she felt a little bit better. 

“Who?” Jessie raised her eyebrow. “You rebound fast.” 

“It wasn’t even that serious between me and Ryan.” Vanessa felt the tenseness arising. All three of them knew how much of a lie that was. “I have somewhere to go.” Mara nodded before watching her sling over her bag and leave. Jessie had opened her mouth but it was too late. Vanessa was already at the end of the Quad. She walked extremely fast when she was determined. There was only one place where Vanessa wanted to be right now. She went inside the cafeteria and opened the door of the staff room quietly. There were always too many people in the cafeteria. To her excitement no one else was in the staff room except Claire. It was a miracle that Claire was still here. It was lunch hour and Vanessa was surprised by her good luck. 

“Hi Claire,” Vanessa said without a bit of contempt in her voice. 

“Hello Vanessa,” Claire said. Vanessa smiled before sitting down at the table next to Claire. She swallowed another bit of her sandwich and Claire returned to eating her lunch as well. “Your pastries were really good yesterday.” Vanessa nodded. 

“Why aren’t you being mean to me? I’m most vulnerable right now. My own friends pity me.” Vanessa wondered why Claire didn’t glare at her in the hallways. She always had such a sunny expression and niceness towards everyone; even the girl who had offered her money in exchange for departure.  

“The guy doesn’t define who you are, Vanessa. Your breakup is partly my fault.”

“The whole Eugene thing was my fault,” Vanessa said. She wished she hadn’t after she saw Claire’s expression. Vanessa couldn’t understand why even now she was pushing away the one person who wasn’t making a big fuss about the breakup. 

“It wasn’t your fault that he did what he did,” Claire simply responded. 

“I’m really sorry about everything. I was jealous of you. I thought that if you had chosen Eugene, Ryan would naturally come back to me. I realize now that he had already left me in mindset.” 

“I forgive you,” Claire said. There wasn’t anything exclaimed publically and no fuss was made. Thousands of dollars weren’t spent negotiating but Vanessa had never heard such a genuine forgiveness. There was no harshness in Claire’s words. 

“Do you mind if I come here some times?” 

“No, you’re always welcome,” Claire said smiling. “I won’t date Ryan, just so you know.” The old Vanessa would have been ecstatic about that. 

“Claire, you should do what you want to. Even if you didn’t Ryan, some other girl would. My relationship is just a lost cause now,” Vanessa said. She finally understood what was so precious about Claire. She didn’t have money, power, or status but yet she had the feel good nature that you just wanted to be part of. 

“Thank you Vanessa,” Claire said beaming. “Classes are going to start in ten minutes. I understand if you want to return to your friends.” 

“Okay Claire, well see you later,” Vanessa said. Her eyes zeroed in on the limited edition D&G bag hanging on the coatrack. It was being used as a laundry hamper. 

“Vanessa, one last thing,” Claire said following Vanessa’s gaze. “Do you want that bag? I don’t have anywhere to take it.” 

“You’re really sure on giving it to me?”

“Yeah, I just think that it would be in better use.” Claire dumped her clothes on the floor and dusted it off. Vanessa wholeheartedly accepted. 

“I’ll see you later,” Vanessa said. She left with a burden lifted off her shoulders. She folded the bag up and put in her school bag. Mara and Jessie were still sitting there but Vanessa didn’t feel contempt for them anymore.

“Where’d you go?” Jessie looked worried and Mara put her hand on Vanessa’s forehead. 

“Mar, you just messed up my foundation,” Vanessa said. She took out her compact mirror. 

“There’s Vanessa,” Jessie remarked with fondness. 

“We were just talking about, Claire,” Mara said lowering her voice. “We can take care her for you, you know.”

“Thanks, but you know I’m getting bored of bullying her. Leave her be,” Vanessa said. Mara and Jessie exchanged a weird glance. 

“If you say so,” Jessie said. They walked back to class and Vanessa felt relieved to be in a space where people couldn’t so openly gossip about her. “So who was that guy you’re interested in?” Vanessa smiled. She closed her eyes before shaking her head. 

“Oh Jess, I’m not going to tell you that,” Vanessa said. Those were the same words that she had said in sixth grade.

“Nessa, I trust you with my secrets.” 

“Maybe I’ll tell you after class,” Vanessa said gently placing her bag from on the floor. 

Claire ventured into bookstore. There was no other place where she felt like an alien. Jonah wasn’t playing some geeky game but rather almost glaring at her. Other people in the store shuffled around her and she could see the looks on their faces. Claire held the book close to her beating heart. She didn’t know why she wanted to do this five minutes earlier. She walked up to the front desk and saw Jonah swishing the coffee in his cup. 

“Hi,” she said cheerily and placed the book on the counter. He stared at the title before crossing his arms. “I’m Claire, remember me?” 

“Do you need something?” 

“Yes, yes, um so I know how much Olivia wanted to read this. I don’t know where she lives and the admin wouldn’t tell me, and I er know she comes here often, um right? So er um uh can you give this to her the next time she comes?” Claire could barely stutter out a sentence. Jonah swished his coffee around once more before looking up at her. 

“Why are you asking me? You should ask Nelson. She would do anything he said.” 

“Look I don’t want to get tangled up in your personal life but can you just please do this for her?”  Jonah took the book from her and glanced back at his computer screen again. Claire leaned against the counter and saw that he was on Facebook having a conversation with someone. 

“Who are you talking to?” 

“Whoa, whoa, hey, I might have to call security.” He stood with his back to the computer. Claire rolled her eyes but was curious to why Jonah was so protective. 

“For what? You know as a customer, I like to have respect—,” Claire began to say. He was so much nicer to her this morning. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Jonah cut her off. Claire heard the little ping sound that the computer made signaling a new message. Three weeks ago she didn’t even know what Facebook was. 

“Do you have . . . a girlfriend?” It seemed like the only viable reason to why Jonah would pay more attention the computer screen than her, a potential customer. 

“What? Okay um I’ll get the book to Olivia. Thanks for stopping by. Bye!” He left the computer desk and put his hands on her shoulders. Claire shied away from physical contact. “I’m not going to hurt you.” Jonah shuddered. “I just want you to leave, okay?” 

“Why?” Claire’s curiosity was too much. She spun around and quickly ran to the counter. His conversation was still up, only six messages long. Olivia? “You were messaging Olivia?” 

“Yeah, about the book, dur,” Jonah said looking extremely uncomfortable. 

“Of course,” Claire said scrolling up before Jonah could protest. “Why don’t you ask her out?” 

“Claire, look um that’s touching but I really have work to do. The store is closing soon. I’d really appreciate it.” 

“I’m serious. You know, a little sprucing up and you should be good to go.”

“Do you mean it?” He looked startled. “I mean, maybe who knows. I’m not really into Olivia.” 

“Jonah, Jonah, Jonah, tsk-tsk,” Claire said. “Let me help you. It’ll be fun.”

“Claire thanks but no thanks. I have to close up so you should leave.” Claire stared out at the golden afternoon. 

“What an odd time for a bookstore to close, especially the only one on campus.” Claire went out, forced out. She walked back to the staff room and saw that Lola had hung up both of Ryan’s jackets. They looked cleaned and she had even taken the time to iron them. 

“Lucky girl you are,” Lola said admiring the jackets. “You know I bet even Grady would look good in that jacket.” Claire’s face lit up immediately. She grabbed the black suit blazer that Ryan had graciously allowed her to wear. This would be perfect. Claire walked back outside only to find Olivia outside the cafeteria. She slipped the black blazer on but it hung about her awkwardly. It didn’t make everyone look good. Claire sighed before pretending to shiver. It was a ridiculous effort especially since the weather hadn’t been this gorgeous for a while. The weather was especially good for October. 

“Hi Claire,” Olivia said. “I thought I’d find you here.” 

“Well you found me,” Claire said awkwardly. “Did Jonah give you the book?” 

“Oh um yeah, yeah,” Olivia said. She took out the book from her bag. “Thanks for giving it to him.”

“No problem. He practically chased me out of the bookstore so he could talk to you.” 

“He knows I take my reading seriously.”

“Why don’t you um . . . make the first move? You like him too right?” Olivia blushed. 

“Claire, I told you before. We are not in that kind of relationship,” Olivia sounded defensive. 

“Uh huh, okay, well do you want to go get dinner?” 

“Sure, as long as you don’t talk about Jonah,” Olivia said leading the way. They were just outside the cafeteria after all.

“If you just gave him a chance,” Claire sighed. She opened the door and was glad that the cafeteria was relatively empty. Claire grabbed a tray and plucked out her lunch coupon. Lola had started giving her bright red ticket stubs in order for her to buy lunch. They were tiny rewards and Claire only got about two of them per month. It was Claire’s first time eating outside in the fluorescently lit room with crystal chandeliers. Everything was buffet style with glass platters and Claire wondered what to eat first. There were so many possibilities. 

“This is all overwhelming,” Olivia commented while scooping up eggs with the glass ladle. Claire simply nodded. They sat down near a potted plant and Claire had never noticed how pretty it was. Life was a lot better on this side. 

“Do you go to the bookstore a lot?” 

“I told you I don’t want to talk about Jonah.”

“I know, I know, sorry.” Claire simply said. All he needed was a very Claire-makeover.

Ryan had found out a whole lot more than he had originally expected to find. The lady at the front desk of the orphanage was helpful after a couple twenties. She pulled out the file immediately on Claire. The name Lyle Scott meant nothing to him but it was appearing everywhere. There was only one other way to check now and he didn’t want to do this. Ryan got up from his chair and pulled the crate of useless things from under his bed. The key was tucked in with some old journals from sixth grade. He felt a shiver run up his spine but he really didn’t have a choice anymore. Ryan couldn’t even hire a private investigator since all those things went directly to his parents’ radar. He ran down the stairs and was almost out the door until his mother grabbed his arm. Ryan had never seen so much rage on his mother’s face.

“Ryan Sean Nichols,” his mother shouted. “How could you break up with Vanessa? Did Sasha come back again?” He froze at the mention of Sasha’s name. It had already been more than a year but yet he was still stuck in the past. 

“Ryan, I’m sorry,” his mother immediately said. Ryan shook his head in frustration. She had to know now. 

“Mom, what if I told you that there was a way to connect the Nichols and the O’Shea’s?” His mother became wide eyed. It was what his grandparents had always wanted. His father was supposed to marry Natasha O’Shea. That was until she went crazy and decided to marry a broke man. His father had no choice but to marry his mother. Both his grandparents looked down upon his mother always. She would never truly be from a first class family, unlike Natasha. Ryan smirked. His mother was already half broken. 

“They never had a second child, Ryan. The lost child is just a rumor. No one knows what happened to her.” His mother’s voice was fragile and icy. Her anger had disappeared. 

“I found Claire O’Shea, Mom, I found her and she likes me. I just need a little bit more time to confirm that she is the lost child.” His mother was gasping and she had her hands firmly over her mouth. “You can’t tell anyone though. Not right now, Mom. Claire doesn’t know that she is the lost child and she needs time to learn it on her own. The next few months will probably be difficult for you. Your hot shot son is going to spend an incredible amount of time with this nobody. But wouldn’t you wait a few months so that Grandpa can look favorably upon you?” His mother swallowed her spit. It was a nervous habit and Ryan knew that she would give in wholeheartedly. 

“Okay Ryan, okay,” she simply said and disappeared into the office. Ryan left too. He was still nervously holding the key. The motorcycle was especially loud as he drove back to the heart of New York. He hoped that no one was home. Ryan parked the motorcycle where he had the night of the party. None of the lights were on in the whole apartment. This place still gave him the creeps. Ryan entered the dingy lobby. No one greeted him and it looked like all the staff members were in some sort of chaotic mode. Nothing had changed since his first visit. He clicked the button to go up on the elevator. Ryan ran to room 251 and put his ear to the door. He heard nothing. He slid the key in easily and waited just another second before turning it all the way. It was the first time where his adrenaline was coursing through his blood. He went inside but found that no one lived there anymore. All the furniture had been moved and a layer of dust had formed on the kitchen counters. He walked in and saw a couple papers thrown on the floor. They too had a white ghostly layer of dust. Ryan scanned the content. A few of them were about real estate. Crazy lady Marley had moved out. Ryan wondered why she would before finding Claire. There was a newspaper on the floor as well. It was the one about the lost Claire O’Shea. A red marker had circled Claire’s name. The last paper scattered on the floor was a picture of Claire, the Claire he knew, and the same description that had been on Claire’s file at the orphanage. It was obvious that Claire O’Shea and Claire Hoskins were one and the same. He took the paper and left without leaving so much as a loose hair.