Emotional Rollercoasters

Wow. I'm just a mess of emotions right now. I'll explain continuously. I have a little weekend update. I had an amazing experience at the Journalism convention. I was in a session with the social media representative from Miss Representation and it was cool to see a guy feminist! I'm not a die hard feminist but I do believe that women shouldn't be treated like second class citizens. Women are capable of doing anything a man can do. (Read below if feminism angers you. I can't see why) Everyone should seriously watch that documentary! I thought I wrote a post about it but apparently not. I just think that more women should be represented in Congress and as CEOs. More women have college degrees and it's proven that women do better in school. YET we can see that women can't get a foothold in computer programming, engineering, or positions of power. It angers me that women who are determined and strong come off as manipulative and "bitchy", for lack of better word. When men do the same thing, they are seen as good leaders. I hate that men think women are just so vulnerable and frail.

Women also care for children and at some point in life, most women lose motivation to strive for higher ranks because they want to be at home with their kids. There's nothing wrong with that but it is preventing women from reaching parity. Women are also less confident in their abilities so they apply for more safety positions. I don't know if there's a way around that.

There's 1 girl in AP Computer Science at my school. There's four boys in my journalism class. There are four girls in AP Physics. Although I don't like physics or math, I do think that these classes should be encouraged for girls starting at an early age. Boys should learn how to be more sensitive growing up. Being a man basically means being violent, strong, and competitive. Somehow objectifying women also got tangled into that equation. I watched Kick-Ass this weekend (by myself) and it was an awesome film. I hate violence and cursing so that part was a bit hard to get through. There's very limited sexuality which is rare in movies this century. (It is rated R warning) One of my most favorite things is the message tucked in. This movie brings awareness to serious problems, like staying a bystander when trouble is happening. Being a superhero doesn't mean having some special power but rather taking action for what you believe in. The costumes are just an added bonus. My other favorite part about that movie is the kick-ass girl character, Hit Girl, played by Chloe Grace Moretz. She plays an eleven-thirteen (not sure) year old girl who is a seriously good fighter. She did most of her own stunts and trained with Jackie Chan! Search her up if you don't know her! Hit Girl is bossy, curses, and is always in control. I don't know that many movies with such a strong female lead. Kick Ass 2 is coming out this summer!! So excited!

Anyways, back to topic. I hung out with S on Saturday. He really wanted a guitar student so I reluctantly agreed. I learned a couple chords and learned how to play the first verse of Vida la Viva by Coldplay. I'm not sure if guitar is my thing though... I always wanted to take a hipster photo of me playing guitar in the tall grasses or reeds. So maybe? What was supposed to be a one hour hang out sesh became almost a three hour hang out sesh. Did I say that he was my neighbor? Well he is. He teases me a lot but it's .. okay because I manage to tease him too. He poked me and I freaked out. It was soooo uncalled for. I'm super ticklish and pain sears whenever people poke me right above my hip. I have so many traumatic stories about being poked. I was tired after the Convention and trying to decide whether to go home or not. He poked my face and that was unexpected. For the first time ever, I could kind of see that a potential relationship could exist. He's still my little brother though and I honestly just hope it stays that way. I just don't know how to feel. I don't feel like we're 100% platonic friends but I don't feel like I 100% like him either. Right now it's 2% so it's manageable. Oddly enough I'm beginning to become okay with this weird limbo of feelings. Oh! And as I was about to leave, his mom and that same friend (go back a few posts. too lazy to link. if you're curious you should have motivation to search) asked me if I wanted to join them for dinner. They took another walk and I'm just thinking that his mom likes walks. If it was my household, firstly a boy would never be able to come in and secondly if he were to pass through the front door my mom would watch him like a hawk. They were having dinner at home so I decided to say yes. I don't know why. It was about nine and I kind of wanted to go home. I was really scared to tell them I needed to go home. He nudged me down the stairs and explained to his mom after I said "I need to go home." He said something in Chinese and I have no idea what. But his mom packed me dinner and that was so sweet. The only thing to eat at home was cereal. I wrote her a thank you card (cards are sort of what I do) but was disappointed that I couldn't find the ladybug thank you cards.

I had an interview a while back for a staff editor position on my school paper. Today I'm happy to announce I'm a FEATURE EDITOR! HOLLAAA! I was stressed out for 2 whole weeks. Yesterday I couldn't breathe without reminding myself I needed air. I freak out easily if you haven't already got that vibe. My body is readjusting to less stressful conditions. I was shaking when I saw that I had made it. I gave lots of hugs which rarely happens ever. At the end of the day, I screamed with S (he didn't scream with me. He's no fun :/) and alarmed pretty much everyone. I wasn't able to excitedly scream though in the journalism room. I am a screaming person lol. That's how I release emotions! We walked home and that's the end of my emotional rollercoaster.

I have the SAT again on Saturday ewwww. And the AP is looming over my head. I just have to get through these few weeks and then it's home free! I'm not excited for senior year though... xx