This story began with a simple smile and a tapping on my keyboard. It's just something that I wrote on a whim. I rather liked it and thought I'd share. Today was supposed to be some sort of 'artsy' day but I realized that my idea was nowhere near product. I hate posting crap so I'm going to start that section with something I can be proud of. On a good note I signed my W-9 form today! A W-9 form is a working permit and I'm getting my first paycheck ever! It's really exciting. I'm getting paid for something that I love doing. Anyways! Enjoy this little story. It's not really a Monday Memoir but it's of a similar nature.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Pettiness
Hello once again! A musing is a little food for thought. It's not supposed to be controversial or "deep" but rather just a little thought I had. Some might be a little "deeper" and others might be trivial but that's how thoughts work. Today's musing was hard for me to come to terms with.
As I mentioned yesterday, here is the longer post detailing about my past. I wish this was a closed chapter in my life but sadly it's not. I was thinking about why I still have the urge to search up his name on my Facebook and stalk pictures. It's these brief relapses of my mind and determination to forget him that hurt the most. These little pauses are definite signs that I am still not done forgetting him. It hurts to have your whole wall and defense mechanism shattered within a simple touch. I felt that I really grew emotionally since freshman year but here I am, acting the same, behaving the same, and thinking the same. I did grow in some sense to shed a layer of that naivety and gullibility. Some people do accidentally play with your feelings. Miscommunication and expectations blur the line of reality. I was just as bad as Captain Ahab when Ahab deliberately interpreted Fedallah's prophecy. I let my emotions run rampant and that becomes a real issue because I feel things so intensely. It's the alternative to being completely realistic and cynical. I hate feeling cynical even more than I hate feeling sad. Feeling sad is understandable and recognizable to the machinery of my brain. But feeling jaded and pessimistic conflicts with everything and it's those moments where I feel topsy turvy and nothing makes sense. I do understand why I'd rather be an oozing mess of feelings rather than be someone that I can't understand. The scariest thing is the unknown.
As I mentioned yesterday, here is the longer post detailing about my past. I wish this was a closed chapter in my life but sadly it's not. I was thinking about why I still have the urge to search up his name on my Facebook and stalk pictures. It's these brief relapses of my mind and determination to forget him that hurt the most. These little pauses are definite signs that I am still not done forgetting him. It hurts to have your whole wall and defense mechanism shattered within a simple touch. I felt that I really grew emotionally since freshman year but here I am, acting the same, behaving the same, and thinking the same. I did grow in some sense to shed a layer of that naivety and gullibility. Some people do accidentally play with your feelings. Miscommunication and expectations blur the line of reality. I was just as bad as Captain Ahab when Ahab deliberately interpreted Fedallah's prophecy. I let my emotions run rampant and that becomes a real issue because I feel things so intensely. It's the alternative to being completely realistic and cynical. I hate feeling cynical even more than I hate feeling sad. Feeling sad is understandable and recognizable to the machinery of my brain. But feeling jaded and pessimistic conflicts with everything and it's those moments where I feel topsy turvy and nothing makes sense. I do understand why I'd rather be an oozing mess of feelings rather than be someone that I can't understand. The scariest thing is the unknown.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Scarf Boy
Hello everyone! I went to the library today to check out books by Murakami. My dad was less than happy that I decided to choose him but I really, really wanted to read 1Q84. I'm really looking forward to that 1000 page book! At the library, the fire alarm went off and it was so disappointing. I was standing in line to check out my book and it was my turn next. Then the blaring sirens started going off and people were so confused. They slowly gathered up their stuff and we all filed outside. Luckily, the problem was resolved quickly and I was able to get my books! I also went to Best Buy to buy a computer sleeve for my computer. They only had really simple sleeves that cost $40 from InCase and I really didn't want to spend that much on a very basic case. So I ordered mine from Amazon. Where does everyone else get their cases? I'll do a mini investigation I guess.
I had a creative "burst" coming from my previous little episode of melodramatics. If anyone is experiencing a terrible sadness, I would suggest a movie binge. I was up till 3 on Saturday night watching random movies and episodes from TV shows that I love. It did help and I felt a lot better on Sunday morning. I just realized the extent of my own pettiness but I think that'll make for an interesting Tuesday Musing.
I had a creative "burst" coming from my previous little episode of melodramatics. If anyone is experiencing a terrible sadness, I would suggest a movie binge. I was up till 3 on Saturday night watching random movies and episodes from TV shows that I love. It did help and I felt a lot better on Sunday morning. I just realized the extent of my own pettiness but I think that'll make for an interesting Tuesday Musing.
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